Are we gonna be true or suicide?
by toolostforyou
Summary: "If this isn't what you want, I need you to tell me right now.". Will/Mac pre-series


"If this isn't what you want, I need you to tell me right now."

Mackenzie's eyes snap up to Will, a bowl of cereal in front of her, a spoon paused mid air and the New York times open in front of her at the crossword. They're sat over the breakfast bar, Mackenzie in one of Will's shirts and boxers while he's still in his pyjamas. He's staring at her now and she's still looking a bit dumb founded.

She slowly puts the spoon back into the bowl and drops the pen that was in the other hand.

"What… I don't understand."

"You told me before they you're not good with relationships and you've been quiet these last few weeks."

She's not sure if she's taken aback by the subject choice or that it's Will who is starting a conversation about their relationship and where it's going.

"I still don't get what you're trying to say."

She didn't want to admit that she feels a bit hurt and that she knows she's giving him what he calls her puppy dog look but she's confused and it's a Saturday morning. She doesn't want to think right now.

"You're here more than you're not, you basically have a draw of stuff, skirts and blouses in my wardrobe and your toiletries have found their way into my bathroom. You admitted near the beginning of our relationship that the longest you've been with anyone is 6 months, we've been together for almost a year and a half."

Mackenzie would admit they had been slow going and the accumulation of her items had happened over time. But it just seemed logical to her, he was closer to work and it was easier than her going home to then travel back to work when it meant going back on herself. Mackenzie enjoyed being with him and the way he challenged her mind.

A part of her wants to talk then the other wants to go back to her food, coffee and crossword. She would try asking Will if any sport was on but she knew it was too early to pull that out of the bag. Because she didn't know how to explain any of this to him, and at the time she was surprised he was listening. She whispered that she didn't do relationships past a certain length and she wanted to warn him. This was while his lips were travelling up her thighs so she wasn't sure she was making sense or he was listening. But then again he is an anchor, so he has to multitask.

She picks up the pen and starts playing with it again, running it through her fingers and tapping it against the table. She can feel Will still staring at her while she remembers the amount of times her father used to chastise her for tapping pens against the table. Maybe she needs to grow up and accept now she's in her mid-thirties it's time for a grown up relationship.

"It feels right. We've not ran into anything head first, it's been slow and at a speed that I feel comfortable with. Both of us have found a way to keep our personal and professional lives separate. I really care for you Will."

That was the most she could give him for now, she wanted to tell him that she loved him, but the words couldn't come out. They seemed stuck in the back of her throat, between what were possibly her real feelings and the fear of what lies past those words. They so far had been kept for family members.

Mackenzie dropped the pen and looked up at Will, his head slowly nodded and he went back to his coffee.

"I really care for you too Mackenzie." She smiled, looking down at her bowl of cereal but no longer feeling like it. She pushed it away from her, Will not seeming to care that she hadn't finished when weekends were the only days when she would finish her breakfast.

His body is wrapped around hers that night, they spent the day walking around the city and stopping when the other felt like it. They drank too much coffee and ate too much cake. Dinner was a take away, they ordered too much but it would last for tomorrow.

The television is on in the background, CNN playing, it got left on the random news station that came up. Neither of them was watching, Will's nose was buried into Mackenzie's neck, he was complying with her complaint she had eaten too much for sex but still kept her close.

Although now it felt somewhat suffocating, thinking about the conversation they had this morning. She hadn't really thought about what their relationship had become and the progression felt natural. But then Will mentioned it and she thought about that curve of what had happened.

Will started to settle behind her and she didn't really say much when he switched off the television and turned off the nights around them.

"Night."

She whispered and closed her eyes, even though she knew that it was going to take hours to sleep.

"Good night. I love you."

She had to stop the automatic reaction that was to tense up or run. Her heart started beating against her chest and there was temptation to suddenly scream this wasn't what she wanted.

He doesn't seem to pick up on it because his breathing evens out and he's lost to the dream world. When she's sure he's in a deep enough sleep, she untangles herself from his body, careful not to make sudden movements. She sits at the edge of the bed, looking across at the New York skyline, her eyes searching for her apartment block.

Mackenzie's phone lights up on the bedside table and she's thankful she put it on silent when she notices the light in the corner of her eyesight. It takes her ten minutes to decide to pick up the phone, she almost deletes the message when Brian's message pops up but she doesn't think about the man who is sleeping on the bed she's sitting on.

'_Kenz, it's Brian. I hope everything is going okay. The boss wants me to write an article on the sudden success of your show. Can we meet up for coffee.'_

She tells herself it's a coincidence it's tonight he's in contact with her but all thoughts about what it actually was go out of her head when a month later it's his pillow she's biting into to stop herself from making too much noise.


End file.
